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"If you’re holding down the horn, anything that happens to you is the other person’s fault. That is the point of the horn."

- Daniel Hardcastle
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"I’ve got blinder of a headache today. Also decapitated myself."

- Daniel Hardcastle
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"This makes me want to quit my job as a YouTuber and do something more fun, like trawling the Thames for dead children and delivering the news to their families."

- Daniel Hardcastle
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"There were some people there. I wonder if they’re dead."

- Daniel Hardcastle
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"So if you hear a lot of thunder, or me being dragged into hell, you’ll know why."

- Daniel Hardcastle
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"And by hell, I mean Ikea. On a Saturday. And you bump into your ex-girlfriend and you didn’t have enough money so the whole trip was worthless, and just repeating that every day forever."

- Daniel Hardcastle
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"Remind me to never be in bomb disposal. Or meat packaging."

- Daniel Hardcastle
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"Don’t you hate those days at work when you fall down a pit and are concussed by a giant blob of meat that’s probably going to eat your friends on the way down?"

- Daniel Hardcastle
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"What does meat have against mind powers?"

- Daniel Hardcastle
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"I need to leave the house more often. It did me good last time."

- Daniel Hardcastle